Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Book Review: Collateral Damage by Dr. J. T. Chiban

Every person that starts thinking about marriage, family and kids always has the hope that every thing will turn out for the best. No one starts thinking about divorce at the beginning of this journey. Even signing a prenup is more done with the hope to never have to use it. Yet despite best intentions, a large number of marriages end in divorce. Such a large number that often couples do not even marry, yet still start a family and eventually also drift apart. What often is overlooked, despite the best intentions by the parents, are the children and how to get them through the breakup of the family.
Dr. Chiban has come up with a well structured, clearly written book that summarizes extensive research on the effect of divorce on children. The structure of the book hits on the main points of his guidance:

  • Before You Begin: Your Child and Your Divorce
  • Part 1: Guiding and Protecting Your Children
  • Chapter 1: Attune to Your Child
  • Chapter 2: Manage Emotions and Stormy Situations
  • Chapter 3: Sustain Your Parental Role
  • Chapter 4: Provide Stability Through Nurturance
  • Part 2: Navigating Divorce for Parents
  • Chapter 5: Regain Control—Reclaim Yourself
  • Chapter 6: Realign Your Relationships
  • Chapter 7: Redefine Parenting
  • Chapter 8: Retain Your Parenthood in a Blended Family
  • Chapter 9: Preserve Loving Relationships
  • A Final Word: Redirecting Your Divorce Through Spiritual Life
     In the end, simply because a marriage fails, does not mean that the family fails. We talk to a lot of people in amicable ways and before and after a marriage spent time with friends. Most of us spent a lot of time at work with colleagues. All of these show healthy relationships that many times exist over years without a bond such as marriage. While ideally a divorce never happens, what Dr. Chiban shows is that keeping a relationship with your child is something both parents need to do because of the consequences if they don't. Often children going through a divorce bear deep emotional scars and have a tendency to seek solace in alcohol, criminal acts and show mental instability in later life. Managing the divorce in a way that minimizes the impact on a child is important and maintaining a healthy relationship despite a divorce is important and Dr Chiban's book is an excellent guideline for any parent who faces a divorce, but wants to minimize its impact on their child. 
    available at
    Disclaimer:  I received a free book in exchange for an honest review. The opinion expressed is solely my own and has not been influenced by any third party.

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